Man proposes, God disposes
We like to plan everything. PERIOD! We like to have deadlines. We like to have goals and we want to map out our lives pretty much in advance. When will we get married? When to buy a house or when will we start planning for a baby etc. Living in moment (no matter how prudent it seems), is always a scary thought. Last week for me was a gentle reminder that nothing is planned. Especially, after you become a MOM.
I was working on two different ideas for my blog this week. Both of them were peppy and bursting with motherly enthusiasm. I still want to write those and share with you guys but I don’t think this is the right time. Especially, when I am nothing but a bundle of nerves right now.
I recently started looking for work. I don’t have any job in hand not even a freelance assignment but pangs of separation anxiety that I am already experiencing is scary.
The Change Leading to Separation Anxiety
Whenever I feel there is a change coming around my spider senses go on high alert. Usually, my pre-baby self wouldn’t have bothered so much but one thing that has changed after my baby boy, is I think and I think a lot. I know every action I take will have affect on him. Like every parent I am always cautious about how my life’s decisions will impact him. Therefore, big decision which is giving me sleepless nights is “While I am thinking of going back to work, how this change will affect me and my family?”
How do I feel about going back to work?
I am excited, nervous, confused, petrified and almost on the verge of meltdown. Last night when I was putting my baby to bed, I held him little closer, little harder and I just didn’t want to let him go. There is this battle going on inside me between “Mother & Women”, that I am. Mother is screaming and shouting at the woman that it’s too early. He is too small. Mother is constantly questioning how can you leave him in someone else’s care? Woman in me is trying to calm the mother by saying that she will be able to do it. I will be able to take care of my baby and work. All will be fine. He will be fine.
I still don’t know who is going to win this battle. Or universe will have a divine intervention and I will get a job where I am able to balance it out.
Right now, in this moment, I just don’t know!! I have never left my baby alone till date for more than 3 or 4 hour and that has also been just with his dad. I know we will have to ease into the whole process but I am unable to find a way easy my anxieties. I am trying hard to “live in the moment and not get swayed by my overthinking tired mind”.
How I am coping with this separation anxiety?
My husband, baby and pup are three people who are keeping me steady on my feet. Hubby dear is my strength, baby is my happiness and my pup is the constant reminder to live in the moment. In his dog language he is probably saying just eat and go to sleep.
All in good time:
I think I should get this phrase tattooed. This is my life’s motto. I have said this to my friends, family and myself when ever things have gotten tough. I am hoping it will get me through again. But other than this I think I need help in ideas from other mothers.
How do working moms deal with separation anxiety?
All dearest mommies who are reading this, please tell in the comments how do you guys do it? How did you convince yourself to go back to work? How mother in your adjusted and still adjusts to this feeling that I have and I am not able to shake off? How do I trust any care I choose for my baby? Are they going to feed him better than I do? How are they going to care and pay attention to every thing that he does the way I do? I know I am overthinking but then how do you stop that too?
I will really be looking forward to your comments and tips because this mommy blogger this week is just a mom who need tips.
Until next Tuesday
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