My emotional struggle while trying to conceive
It is spring but the weather is still cold. Sitting by the window trying to soak in sun and its warmth on my face feels like a luxury. Nature has always been my biggest inspiration and it has also acted like a catalyst for me. It brings out several emotions, makes me ponder and then entices to dig deeper in my soul. Seeing my son shining in the sun made me feel a little nostalgic. Nostalgia? Why? It reminded me of time when me and my husband were really trying to get pregnant and every month I would wait for it to happen. Like a little child waiting for final exam results. And every month brought disappointment. I even asked my OBGYN and she said there was nothing wrong with me medically. So, why was I not getting pregnant. That’s when I realized struggle of getting pregnant is very real and emotionally exhausting.
Excruciating wait of getting pregnant
I still remember there actually came a point, the only topic of discussion between me and my girlfriends was “when will I get pregnant?” Asking for tips (as if I was doing something wrong, as if there is any hidden secret to it.) I remember thinking too much, hiding how stressed or sad I was most of the times. I don’t have the right words to express that feeling. It wasn’t as if, I was looking at other people’s kid with longing or not enjoying my life at all. Everything was beautiful. I was busy working. We have good friends and we used to chill together. So, work hard and party harder was pretty much the motto we were living by. But there were these moments in middle of all the chaos where I used to feel something is missing. It was more like a calling.
Stress adds to struggle of becoming pregnant
It’s simple when you have too much on your platter something has got to give. I remember everyone telling me “enjoy when you make love otherwise baby won’t happen”. Another advice that was a constant “stay stress free”. Now, I have a question if you are full time working married woman who lives two hours one side drive away from her house, how exactly can she be stress free. Anyways, I tried everything, but the answer was still NO. On the other hand, it was as if everyone around me was getting pregnant. Oh boy!!! You know that feeling of helplessness, where you finally realize control is an illusion, it was that moment for me. Whole idea of planning our lives, education, job, car, marriage, house or anything else, you think you are planning but it’s a myth. Things are always happening when they are meant to happen. We tend to plan every minute of our lives. Moments like these humble you and you realize nothing… absolutely nothing is in our control.
I still remember a friend of mine, who was also trying for long said “a soul will enter this world when the right is time.” And she couldn’t have been more right about it. Actually, now I think of it all above mentioned cliches are true. There was a sudden change in our lives.
And then I was PREGNANT!!!
Just when I was giving up hope after trying for two years, there was a drastic change in our lives. We shifted the country, as he was transferred. So, all of sudden, hand break was pulled in my busy life. We decided I will take six months break before I go back to work. So, here I was in new land. Absolutely relaxed and totally enjoying myself. That’s when I got pregnant. If you are struggling to get pregnant, try to create stress free environment for yourself. Babies are made out of love any sort of tensions or stress can delay the process. I know it is easy said then done But i have personally experienced it and there is no other way about it. You have to make changes and consciously cut down the stress in your life. Set priorities and prioritize yourself. Enjoy each other and love each other in truest form of the word. It’s then only miracles will happen.
And mommies let’s not forget the best way of being stress free is … keep BREATHING
(This is my personal experience and in no way any medical suggestion. I am not an expert on infertility)
Mum Mum Ma – Loving Mommyhood 🙂
Categories: Baby care